One week

so I’ve been living with boyfriend for a whole week now. We’ve had too much stress and trouble with Npower, and i think I’ve chipped an already damaged tooth, meaning really bad toothache! My eating seems to be ok, except for today- hungover and tired= way too much food! I had a brilliant time at my friends wedding party yesterday, it was so good to see so many people. Some of our old guests were there, at first they told me I looked well 😁 but when I took my big furry coat off they were telling me to look after myself, and telling Alex to look after me too! So I’m going to ask you something I haven’t dared ask anyone else! How do I look in these pictures? Fat, slim, skinny, too skinny! Please give me honest answers!




   alex has been stressing over getting a job but he has a trial shift on Tuesday so hopefully that will work out- fingers crossed!

Tomorrow’s the day!

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life! My boyfriend is arriving in England and we’re moving in together! I’m so excited but also so incredibly anxious! These past two days have been so difficult. It seemed on Friday that everything that could go wrong did go wrong! The boiler wouldn’t switch on, Deliveries were sent to the wrong address, some arrived broken, some didn’t arrive at all, I was shouted at by a plumber and the removals van didn’t turn up! But today it all got sorted. It’s been a very long day, especially since I was teaching this afternoon. But that was fun at least. But tomorrow I get to live with my alex! But I’m so anxious about money! I really hope he gets a job quickly! Like this week quickly! 

My anxiety has been horrendous this weekend. I’ve been on edge constantly and I’ve had two full blown panic attacks! I really need things to start coming good and working out for us!

Also I’m worried about my weight! I hope I don’t eat too much and gain loads of weight! I’ve worked really hard to drop 10lbs the past couple of months in don’t want to put it straight back on, and I’m worried my pill is making me hungrier!!

Bye for now! Xx

Cold and hungry

i’m freezing and my stomach is rumbling, I’m tucked up in bed with a onesie on and a heavy quilt, I shouldn’t be cold! I’ve taken to having a sandwich at four o clock, instead of having some kind of dinner later, when I’ve got evening classes or college (Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday) so by the time I got I be it eight hours, and three dance classes, since I’ve eaten! But I hate eating late, so I don’t want to eat when I finish work!
Bye for now xx

Almost there

just one more pound to lose to reach my target weight! I’m so close!! I really hope I get there by Friday!! 

I’m starting to be able to notice it now, not when I look in the mirror but in my clothes. I tried on a costume I got when I was 16, at the beginning of my first round with anorexia, and it still fits! I could still get on with the ties fastened where I last wore it! ( after I came of my first ship in the midst of a relapse. ) i was so pleased! I’d love to try my tutu on from when I was 16!

I’m getting irritated with my mam, I’m watching her slip back into bad habits! Today she had a bar of chocolate mid afternoon and a packet crisps tonight ( as well as her usual milk and cookie) this isn’t good! She’s only just down into a normal weight range, she can’t afford to gain any back! And she’s been discharged from the dietician so nobody is keeping her in check!

Bye for now


I’m moving in with my boyfriend a week today, and although I’m excited I’m also very worried. My boyfriend is Romanian and is moving here from Cyprus. He needs to get a job within the first few weeks, otherwise we’re not going to have enough money. I’m so scared! I really don’t want end up with money problems.

At least if we have no money I can’t eat!
Bye for now xx

Prayers for Paris

I don’t understand. Why? How can anyone think this is what their God would want? I’m heartbroken by the events of tonight. I’m not personally effected but I just don’t understand why anyone would want and be able to kill a single other human, never mind dozens! All this is the name of religion. I don’t care who your God is, not God would want this! You can believe in your God but please always remember your religious books and scriptures were written by man. So even if you can twist passages to justify what you’re doing, they’re not Gods word! Religion was the first form of politics and rules! I believe in God. I don’t believe that makes me a better person than those who don’t, or those who believe in a different God. Beliefs are personal, used to find peace and serenity, not to be used as a weapon against others!

My prayers and thoughts are with Paris tonight!