Is it bad I don’t believe her?

So I wrote last week I think about a girl in my team who told me she used to bulimic. She told me this was up to nineteen and she’s only twenty one now! She also told me she used to tell her parent she felt sick as an excuse not to eat. Now I had this horrific stomach bug on Sunday, and so did one other girl on the team. It was intense we both threw constantly for ten hours. But ‘tiny’ ( as she likes to be called- she’s only 5ft 1in) went home feeling sick on Sunday night and apparently threw up then ate toast and felt alright!! Then the next morning she ‘ate too much breakfast’ and threw up again. And today she are crisps and popcorn in the cinema and had to run out to be sick!! After the show tonight she made a massive show of how ill she felt!! Now I know bugs react in different ways to different people but I just don’t believe her! There’s 1 of 3 things happening here! She’s had a bit of the bug and is really overdoing it with the eating so her stomachs reacting. She’s pretending! Or she’s making herself sick!!! I think it’s the last one! She’s constantly making comments on how small she is ( she’s short but seriously quite chubby for her height and build) and she seems to like to tell me things like her boyfriend said she’s lost weight and her costumes just hang off her!! This girl has got issues! I should know! But I’m not the one using being sick to get attention at work!! I don’t know what to do but if she doesn’t stop it soon I will say something!!!

I on the other hand today managed a small packet of crisps and four ginger biscuits!! I hope to manage something more substantial tomorrow! I have absolutely no energy!

Bye for now xx

Poorly bad sick!!!

Only I can give up chocolate for lent and get a stomach bug in Easter Sunday!!!
I’ve been ridiculously poorly! Now I’d been having a bad week, I now know that I was so run down and stressed because I had a bug in my system ( you’d think I’d spot the pattern by now!) but I woke up at 4am on Easter Sunday with the most horrendous stomach bug! I’m sorry to be graphic but it was basically coming out off both ends- sometimes at the same time – for ten hours!!! Then I spent the next twenty crying with a fever and appalling joint pain – culminating in me throwing up again at half six Monday morning before finally sleeping Monday away!! Work tonight was difficult – I literally hadn’t eaten in 48 hrs- I managed 2 ginger biscuits!! – I don’t think I’ll manage much more tomorrow! It’s actually years since I’ve had a bug thus bad – one of the others girls had it too and said the same thing!
Here’s the thing I HATE being sick!! Strange for someone who does it voluntarily?!?!?!? But it’s different!! It’s a completely different sensation and pain and there’s no control!!!
I also really struggle to eat again after illness! I’m afraid in case it makes me ill again! My stomachs shrunk so I don’t have an appetite and stupidly I’m afraid to gain back any weight I’ve lost ( I lost 4lbs in a day – I know that’s mainly water but still!!) my size 4 jeans were literally hanging off me tonight!! Ahhhh major head mash!!
Now sleepy time for one poorly bunny!

Bye for now xx

Bulimia is definetly kicking my butt this week!!!

So I just made myself sick again, I went at it so hard I managed to throw up icing I are about 2 hours earlier ( we were given birthday cake by guests – I pinched a bit if icing – it threw me over the edge I needed to be sick) now I ache all over again! I’m looking forward to Sunday when I can eat to sweets again! I can’t throw up sweets so I can survive on them for a while till I sort myself out! I’m going to get on my scales tomorrow. I’ve been avoiding them since Monday cos I’m scared if what damage I’m doing but I’ve got to the point of being in a constant fat attack so I need to know the truth! I hope tomorrow is easier!

Bye for now xxx

Good and bad

So I have no urge to purge today which is the good in this blog!! It is of course because I haven’t eaten but still!!
The bad is – today I’m down seriously down! My boss told me I seem with drawn I told him I was just cold!!! I slept over tea break and felt a bit better but I just have no beans today! I hope tomorrow is better!

Bye for now xx

My body hurts! 😢

My body hurts! My throat , my stomach and my head! I was sick again! My new rule is I’m only allowed to eat if I’m leaving the caravan within half an hour! Then I don’t have time to spew! At least tomorrow I won’t have time to spew!
On a more positive note I did a lot of coursework today so at least there’s a bit of stress reduced!

Bye for now xx

I give up!

So after an unnecessarily stressful night at work I just made myself sick! I ate with the purpose to be sick! I needed to be sick!! Now there’s a lot of stress in my life right now and I think I’m compounding it by forcing myself to recover when I’m not in a good place! I think the extra food is making me more stressed and I can’t cope! So I’m going to try not to eat at all tomorrow and then I’m going back to one meal a day! I need less calories.
I’ve come to the conclusion tonight that I won’t be able to hold off attempting suicide again for much longer. I’ve reached the end of the line with so many issues and I just can’t cope! I want out. I don’t want help. I don’t want a break. I want out!!!

Bye for now xxx