I clearly do need this appointment.

Today I lay on my bed and thought to myself ‘ do I really need this appointment with the anorexia team next week?’ And I contemplated phoning up and cancelling!!
As I lay in bed tonight I think I do need it! Here’s why?

1. Two months ago I attempted suicide! Only I know I’m not over this yet!!

2. Today I’ve eaten a packet if crisps, some prawns, a jelly and a Rice Krispie square.

3. I’ve taken 12 laxatives!

4. I spent an hour electrocuting myself with my ab belt.

5. I’m sleeping tonight wrapped in clingfilm.

6. I weight myself twice a day!!

7. I still think I’m too fat!!!

Bye for now xx

The ones like me!

The world is full of people who know exactly who they are. Who know just where they’re going and can see it’s not too far.
The world is full of people who’ll use whatever, whoever, they need, to get that which they dream of, to fulfil their deed.
These people don’t worry about faults or mistakes. These people don’t see the hurt their actions makes. I’m not one of these people, I’m different you see, in a world full of these people there’s a few more like me.
We’re the lost souls, the fairy girls, the wild childs that’s us. Forever searching for something that will protect us.
Sometimes we drink or do drugs, sometimes we don’t eat. We do whatever will bring us the oblivion we so desperately seek!
We make Heros of men who weren’t Heros before. But they fight to save us, to fix us and more.
We make mothers of women who have no child yet, but with us the instinct kicks in to protect.
But it’s all for nothing for only we see. Wether a lost soul, a fairy girl or a wild child we be, forever we’ll stay just as we are. Lost in the darkness, searching for a star. To guide us home, to guide us through. For this worlds not ours, it belongs to you. In another world we’ll find our peace and each day we beg it’s the day of our release!

Body dismorphia???????

My wish list:-

1.) liposuction on my thighs, hips and arms.

2.) a tummy tuck.

3.) a boob job!

4.) nail and eyelash extensions.

5.) long straight blonde hair.

6.) my freckles lasered off!

7.) my teeth veneered and straightened.

8.) my eyebrows completely re shaped and preferably lightened.

Is this body dismorphia or am I as hideous as I see in the mirror?!?!?

Bye for now xx

My biggest fear!!!

There are literally a million terrible things that could happen to any one of us!! Every single day people are hit by cars or trains, or are in some vehicle crash. Every day people have heart attacks, strokes, or discover they’ve got cancer or dementia. People get attacked or have accidents. People get hit by depression or debilitating anxiety attacks. People lose loved ones or watch them suffer. Global tragedies happen- wars, terrorist attacks, natural disasters!! But even with all this my biggest fear remains the same! My biggest fear has been the same for as long as I can remember. I’m not scared heights or water. I’m not scared of bugs or even dying! I’m a little scared of fire but even that pales in significance to my biggest fear!
My biggest fear is immobilising, it’s debilitating and it terrifies me! My biggest fear is FAT!! Being fat! Getting fat! Eating fat!!! If I see a fat person eating something, no matter what it is, that good immediately goes on my not to eat list!!! How crazy is that!! In a world full of pain and disaster all I care about is not being fat!!!!!!

Bye for now xx