A slice of toast!!

Yesterday I made myself sick twice and took 20 laxies!! Today I was physically sick and have head an awful headache as well as other results that don’t need describing!!
But now I’m heading into work for a five hour shift, all I’ve had today is diet coke. I know I should try an eat something. The sensible side if me is considering a slice if toast. My ed has already said no!!
Today a slice of toast is too much for me!!!

Bye for now xx

Asleep all day

Today I slept! Till 4pm. I never let my body heal from a bulimic hangover, I usually push through. I deserve the pain after all. But then I eat because I’m physically weak and then I throw up cos I’m mentally weak. And then the bulimic cycle can continue for days, even weeks! So I’m hoping by giving my body today to sleep and recover from yesterday’s abuse that I can break the cycle before it starts! I hate both eating disorders but anorexia is physically so much easier for me to deal with!

Bye for now xx

Tuesday!

The day after an horrendous bulimia
Episode is always horrendous in itself! Today I’ve got a horrible headache, I feel sick and let’s not forget I took twenty laxies! I’m supposed to be in work for workout right now but I text in and said I have a migraine. The two are horribly similar- the only difference is this is self-imposed!!!
I hope I feel better later so I can actually go to work tonight!!

Today I pray for physical strength and recovery!

Bye for now xx

E.d won today!! (T.M.I alert)

Today I am weak!!! My E.d definetly won. I ate fish and chips, 3 cookies and a pint of milk. Then just spent half an hour throwing up. I threw up till nothing else would come up then kept going just to make sure. I threw till I was dizzy, shaky and sweaty. I
Have no idea how my poor body is going to get through a character show, 2 pantomimes and a uv show tonight!!! I just hope I’ve satisfied the stupid e.d for a while. I much prefer salad days to days like today. I like the days were I can’t eat! Not the days where I have to eat so I can be sick!!
I really hope my therapy comes through soon! I can’t fight this thing alone anymore. I need help!!

Bye for now xx

I’m no good home alone

So again I’ve got three and a half hours on my own with nothing to do! This is torture for me! I just want to eat and be sick!! I need to find something to do! My hamsters asleep – my caravan needs sorting but I was planning on doing that on Wednesday! I don’t know maybe I’ll go roller skating! I wish my head which just switch off. Just for once!!!

Bye for now xx

Monday.

This morning I’m happy. I managed not to be sick yesterday even tho the urge was there all day. And this morning I got a sleep in and woke up to a hamster who wanted to come out and play 😃.
I’m a little anxious today. Firstly to here back from my college board, I really hope they process my application today. And secondly the anorexia team are having their meeting about me today. I just want to know what’s going on!
On a happy note- we have two pantos tonight!!! Cinderella and my favourite Peter Pan!!!!

Today I pray for grace and patience.

Bye for now xx